SWIMMER PARTIALLY EMASCULATED AFTER TAUNTING BABY SHARK WITH HIS PENIS

A Florida man is being hospitalized at St. Mary’s Medical Center after being partially emasculated from a severe shark bite.

John H. Bishop, 48, was snorkeling off the coast of West Palm Beach with family and friends when he noticed a small nurse shark swimming nearby.

Bishop apparently heavily intoxicated under the influence of alcohol and believing that nurse sharks posed no threat to humans started dangling his genitals in front of the carnivorous creature.

Bishop who openly acknowledges he “caressed and teased” the wild animal with his “testicles and penis” during several minutes was suddenly attacked and was rapidly pulled back onto the boat by family and friends.

“I know John was pretty drunk, but he was smearing his genitals over the shark’s mouth like it was lipstick. It’s almost as if he was trying to put his penis into the shark’s mouth. It was an accident waiting to happen” Joshua Stuart, a friend of Bishop later told reporters.

John H. Bishop, 48, was heavily intoxicated under the influence of alcohol when he playfully decided to dangle his genitals in front of a nurse shark, a carnivorous sea creature bearing rows of thousands of impressive, serrated teeth.

“Had he known that it would bite off half of his penis, John would never have done what he did. Alcohol is no excuse. He just wants to warn the public that nurse sharks are dangerous animals and not meant to fool around with,” Bishop’s wife warned reporters, visibly devastated.

John H. Bishop was rapidly brought to St. Mary’s Medical Center where doctors were forced to partially amputate the head of Bishop’s penis to separate the animal from the victim’s genitals.

The glans penis was tragically left inoperable after being severely damaged and partly digested by the animal although St. Mary’s Medical Center medical staff did confirm both testicles were left intact and undamaged.

As inoffensive as nurse sharks may appear, experts warn they are ranked fourth in documented shark bites on humans, likely due to incautious behavior by divers on account of the nurse shark’s slow, sedentary nature.

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