LAS VEGAS – A 92-year-old great-grandmother, Mildred Andorran, was hospitalized today after “tricking out” her vagina with her granddaughters Bedazzle kit.
According to family members, Andorran had signed up for an online dating service recently, where she met a 36-year-old male who asked her out on a date after seeing her eHarmony profile picture. The family tried to convince the great-grandmother of 22 to reconsider, mainly because of the age of her newly acquired beau. However, they say Andorran was persistent and “ready for an adventure.”
But everything took a horrible turn on Saturday evening when Andorran began complaining of shortness of breath, nausea and dizziness. Her daughter, Rachel , insisted on taking Andorran to the hospital. When they arrived, Rachel explained to the ER doctor that her mom had been on a date with the younger man the previous night and it may have been a bit much on her. But that’s when Andorran interrupted, and confessed to the doctor the real story.
“Oh I don’t think it was the date itself sweetie,” said Andorran as she explained the possible cause of her symptoms to the ER doctor. “I think it might have been that damn Bedazzle kit I stole from Lizzie’s room before my date on Friday. I decided to bling out my goodies, you know just like those rap stars do to their teeth. And I did just that. And boy was he surprised. I laid on my side and lifted my leg in the air and said ‘Hey Yum Yum do you like my new smile, it’s VaJazzled!’ I was blinged from front to back. He said it looked more like a frown. But that didn’t stop him!”
After the examination, the doctor found that several of the gems had been forced up into Andorran’s private parts. Additionally, she had used superglue to adhere the gems to her private area, causing poisoning to her system. The superglue and the gemstones were settled into her private area wall for over 24 hours causing swelling, infection and lesions. Andorran was treated and released the following day. Doctors say this is not the first time they have seen somebody come into the emergency room for trying to spruce up their feminine parts. However, they did say this is the first time they had ever seen anybody above the age of 50.