The FCC’s net neutrality rules were put in place for a reason: to prevent service providers from throttling internet speeds in case of some services and putting others in the “fast lane” depending on their interests, financial or otherwise. “There are no toll roads on the information superhighway”, former president Barack Obama said in an interview in 2014 – but the FCC now wants to allow ISPs not only to build toll booths on it but also to decide the top speed on the roads depending on the make, and model of the cars, and type of fuel they run on. Without net neutrality rules, people would lose the liberty to stay entertained with top online gaming, watch the content they want through the channels they want to, and, given the level of puritanism and bigotry in the US, to get off on the adult entertainment they enjoy the most. As you might expect, adult content producers are not big fans of the ide – and they have decided it was time to act.
An anonymous source told us that the world’s leading adult entertainment stakeholders, including screenwriters, directors, costume designers, pronunciation coaches, and actors, along with representatives of the online distribution channels, are enraged and a bit scared of the post-net neutrality world. Considering the current administration’s attitude on sexuality as a whole – they promote molesters to top positions while condemning same-sex relationships, among others – they are afraid that their honest products with a high entertainment value would be pushed into the background and out of the United States while being replaced by Republican propaganda and coaching sessions recorded by faith healers, televangelists, and homeopaths.
According to our source – who refused to divulge his identity even to our reporter – some of the hard-line supporters of net neutrality are prepared even to use convincing techniques not seen since the time of the Prohibition to let their words be heard over at the FCC. While he didn’t go into details, he let us understand that FCC chair Ajit Pai may wake up in some of the mornings to come with a variety of unpleasant surprises in his bed – inspired by Mario Puzo’s idea involving a severed horse’s head. Since adult entertainment is non-violent (except for some cases, but even then, it’s consensual), you shouldn’t expect anything this radical – but waking up in the morning covered in KY Jelly (the heating variety), next to a variety of sex toys of various shapes, sizes, and colors or even a sex robot dressed up as Donald Trump should also do the trick.